The Pragmatic Proposition
by RJ1013
Summary: Summary: A conversation with Penny causes Sheldon to consider exploring previously uncharted territory with Amy. This is a Shamy story, with some Lenny sprinkles.
1. Chapter 1

**The Pragmatic Proposition**

by RJ1013

Summary: A conversation with Penny causes Sheldon to consider exploring previously uncharted territory with Amy. This is a Shamy story, with some Lenny sprinkles.

Disclaimer: If I owned any piece of "The Big Bang Theory" or its characters, I would drive a way nicer car. Sigh.

Spoilers: Up to mid-season 8

* * *

I.

Sheldon raps on Penny's door with his customary greeting. Amy had borrowed some of Penny's clothes again, odd ones that Sheldon can't picture Amy wearing. What was she doing with halter tops and short-shorts? He shrugs off the thought and re-balances the bag of clothes in his arms. Finally, Penny answers the door.

"Whatcha doin', whackadoodle?"

"Exactly zero of those words are part of the English language, Penny. You should work on that. I'm just returning these… pieces of attire… that Amy borrowed."

He hears her mumble something about pit stains as she opens the door wider to allow him entrance. Penny's apartment is in tremendous disarray. He wouldn't have thought it unusual, of course, but she hasn't displayed this level of disorganization in quite some time. Her new job responsibilities had seemed to bleed some responsibility into other parts of her life. He plops the bag of clothes near the summit of what he hopes is a mound of clean laundry and feels relieved when it doesn't instigate an avalanche.

"Am I going to need to break in again and attack this place with Lysol, Hefty bags and more closet organizers? How have you not misplaced Leonard under all these mounds of laundry?"

"Don't even consider it," she replies and glances around with a slightly lost expression. "I'm sure Leonard is around here someplace…"

As if by command, Leonard appears from Penny's bedroom. Dressed tidily for work, he stands in amusing contrast to his sloppy surroundings. A touch out of place here, Sheldon thinks. He knows Leonard is headed off to work, even though it's a Saturday. It makes him proud, seeing his friend prioritizing science, and he is sure that Leonard has learned from his own sterling example.

"Hey Sheldon," Leonard says, and then turns to Penny. He hastily places a kiss on Penny's cheek. "I'm sorry about this, but I'll be back tonight and we will go out and paint the town red."

"How does one paint the town red? Is that a euphemism for graffiti?"

Leonard tilts his head and walks towards the door. He taps Sheldon on the shoulder on the way by, but does not grace Sheldon's question with a response.

"I'm not bailing you guys out if you get caught," he tells Penny after Leonard has closed the door.

"We're not spray painting anything, Sheldon!" she shouts. Much more quietly, even sadly, she continues, "He just means that we will go out when he returns and have a bit of a wild time out."

"Wild time out? Leonard?"

"Goodbye Sheldon."

Shrugging, feeling dismissed, Sheldon turns to leave.

"Sheldon, wait. I want to discuss something."

"Of course. I'm an expert in many things. Perhaps we should start with some laundry tips or maybe a household chore schedule…"

"Sheldon, I'm afraid to get married," she interrupts.

"Oh. Well, I can't imagine anyone being afraid of Leonard. He isn't the most intimidating figure…"

"I'm not afraid of Leonard! I'm just wondering if we might be rushing things."

Sheldon is surprised to hear Penny voice this concern. He had thought that they had really settled into a good place in their relationship. It certainly is less chaotic than it has been in previous years.

"I mean, I'm happy with Leonard," Penny continues, "but marriage… now that's intimidating, you know?"

Sheldon can't think of a response. He excels at so many things, but he isn't sure he's the best consultant for a relationship issue. Perhaps this is a simple fear of failure, he thinks. Lesser beings then himself do struggle with failure.

"Statistics do indicate a high probability of divorce," he supplies unhelpfully.

"I'm not really worried about that. I really think we could be content together." She pauses for a few moments. "I remember my grandparents marriage. They got married when they were just out of high school, still teenagers even. They were married for 70 years before they died within a couple months of each other."

She stares off a bit dreamily, and then sighs. "They spent every day together. Woke up together, vacationed together, lived in the same house together for their entire lives. Every day the same. Every month, every year, every decade - all the same. I don't know if I could handle that."

This is confusing. He can't see how any of that story could generate anxiety in anyone. That level of consistency and homeostasis? It sounds magical to Sheldon's ears. Apparently his confusion is evident to Penny, because she continues, while glancing at him as if he were clueless.

"Don't you see? Where's the adventure in that? The mystery? It's so… boring. And it's for life, you know? I mean, they're probably the greatest example of long-lasting love I've ever seen. I'm just not sure I have that in me," she finishes sadly.

Sheldon raises one eyebrow, crosses his arms and looks at her incredulously.

"So… your greatest marriage fear… is to have a successful one?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, no. Obviously I wouldn't want us to break up, or be miserable together. It's not like I haven't witnessed disastrous marriages too. But it's complicated. If even the best case scenario leaves me scared, what am I supposed to do?"

"Penny, I mean this in the most polite fashion possible. All of that is malarkey! That kind of routine, that level of stasis… it's not intimidating, it's idyllic!"

Penny rolls her eyes and starts marching Sheldon towards the door. "Of course you'd find the idea of a boring day-to-day existence to be something wonderful. I don't know what other answer I could have expected from a man who keeps meticulous records of his bowel habits!"

* * *

II.

After returning to his apartment, Sheldon pours himself an iced tea and settles into his spot. What a perplexing morning. Conversing with Penny is always like navigating a minefield of irrationality. Still, the subject of their conversation is wedged firmly into his mind.

Marriage isn't something that Sheldon has ever given much thought to, beyond a general feeling of disdain. His own parents union had been fraught with more heartache and misery than anything else, and he certainly wants no part in something as chaotic as that. The idea that a marriage could be stable and peaceful in the way that Penny had described her grandparents' life, is sort of a revelation. Perhaps his meemaw and pop-pop had led a similar life, but his pop-pop had died when he was young so he had never seen it for himself.

He can't relate to Penny's odd fear of living a life with stability and routine. Surely, that is the goal of everyday life. Excitement, adventure and innovation are of value, he can admit, but it is surely best to channel those aspects of life to science.

While realistically an institution defined by the law, most people he knows seem to view getting married as a romantic, lovey-dovey thing. Such humdrum claptrap is no way to go about making decisions in _his_ life. The only thing worse, is thinking of marriage in religious terms. Sheldon shudders.

The contractual concept of marriage, however, is something he most definitely does see merit in. Documenting the expectations of a personal relationship makes things clear for all parties, and he has thusly drawn up such agreements to use in his own life. His relationship agreement with Amy is something he has found immensely useful, and he's always considered it to be a superior form of contract.

Marriage has other benefits too, he has to admit. He is familiar with most of the pragmatic benefits of marriage from the debate about gay marriage that has taken place over the years. There are positives to a marriage contract that are hard to duplicate in another fashion.

He wonders if Amy would be able to view the subject with the same practicality that he does. Does she envision herself someday having a fairytale-esque wedding? Something dripping with overly-sentimental poppycock? She isn't religiously inclined, fortunately, so he wouldn't have to dodge those bullets.

Their relationship causes Sheldon distress quite often as it is forever changing and evolving. If only they could settle things into place. The thought of fixing their relationship into a permanent, unchanging state is appealing. A consistent set of living arrangements and no further need to train a new roommate would be advantages as well. No longer needing to concern himself with these issues would free him to focus on sorting out the mysteries and adventures of physics.

Much like himself, she tends to be a rational being about most things. There are times, though, that she seems to fall prey to the whims of 'feelings'. It's mostly Penny's influence, he suspects.

Still, would she be able to consider the idea of marriage in a wholly pragmatic way? Women did tend to get emotional about marriage and weddings, so Sheldon isn't sure.

It would involve some adjustment in the beginning, he supposes. Living together, among other things, would be a big change. Leonard is practically moved out at this point, though, so change is already afoot. Resolved that he will simply have to run the matter passed Amy, he sweeps up the remote to turn on last week's recording of "Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."


	2. Chapter 2

III.

"Well, what do you think?" he asks excitedly.

Amy isn't sure what she had been expecting for date night at her apartment. As she typically does, she has prepared them a meal and lit some candles for a nice atmosphere. She supposes that Sheldon doesn't care much about that, but he doesn't object either. Well, not since after that first time a few years ago when he'd given her his speech about candle safety. He'd also warned her that if the smoke from blowing them out set off her fire alarm, then she only had herself to blame!

A proposal, if you could call it that, is not what she'd had on the menu. It is, she thinks, the most unromantic proposal she has ever heard. At first, she had been certain he was joking. But he has gone on and on, and she hasn't heard a "bazinga" yet.

Perhaps she is hallucinating. That could fit. Low blood sugar? No, she just ate. Or maybe she received a concussion. Did she fall and hit her head today? And an alien parasite is always a worthy consideration…

Snapping back to attention, she hears him prattle on, "We already have the best relationship, and here we could fix that into place permanently. Nothing would ever have to change. You'd get to be married to the great Sheldon Cooper, and I could have a level of routine that would put my previous arrangements to shame."

It is weird. His whole demeanor leaves her with the impression that he is completely smitten with the idea of marrying her. He smiles so brightly, and his eyes sparkle with enthusiasm. It leaves her speechless. If she was only watching him, and not hearing the words, she's sure she would feel swept off her feet like some melodramatic old movie heroine.

The words are there, though. If he'd had his whiteboard present, she is certain he would have diagrammed the entire thing out. He speaks at length about economic benefits, spouse's rights, and the social acceptability that is attendant when one gets married. They would live together and nothing would ever need to change. It is practical. Sensible even. And he says it all without one ounce of sentimentality. She hears not one mention of love.

Finally, she manages to choke out, "Nothing would change?"

"Whatsoever," he assures. "Well, I suppose initially that living together would feel like a big change. I can get used to you, though, so don't worry."

She just stares at him, so he continues, "Things between us are better than ever. I'm giving you a chance to lock that down."

He tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. His arrogant look. She wishes she didn't find it so sexy. The entire situation is overwhelming and confusing. She needs to get him out of there so she can think.

"I think… I need some time to think this over," she finally stutters out.

"That's very prudent of you, but I have already worked out all the details at length. Perhaps it would have been clearer if I'd had my whiteboard…"

Amy takes his arm and shuffles him towards the door. He kisses her, then, with his typical, immutable style.

* * *

!V.

Penny has been looking forward to Friday night all week. Her pharmaceutical sales job, while lucrative, doesn't give her much time to just sit back and relax. Leonard would be home soon, and the thought of him makes her smile. Her fears about marriage really have nothing to do with Leonard personally. If she could ever make a lifetime commitment work with anyone, it would be with Leonard. She pops open a bottle of wine and has just put her feet up when she hears a knock at the door. At least it isn't a Sheldon knock, she thinks.

Opening the door, she spots a bedraggled looking Amy. She can tell just by looking at her, that this is going to be about a Sheldon-based blunder.

"I'll get you a glass of wine," she says, ushering Amy in.

It takes a full glass of wine before Amy is able to explain about Sheldon's proposal. Penny finds herself shocked, at first. Amy's explanation of Sheldon's reasoning is just so Sheldon-y, however, that she decides it isn't terribly surprising after all. She can see how her conversation with Sheldon would have started him down this train of thought. What really surprises Penny, though, is how intensely reluctant and sad the proposition seems to be making Amy.

"What about your four year plan? Isn't this proposal pretty much right on schedule?"

"Honestly, that isn't something I've given much thought to in a long time."

"Don't you want to marry Sheldon? I would have thought you'd be over the moon about this. I mean, I know how wacky that proposal sounds, but this is Sheldon we're talking about."

"I do, and I know. It's just… he has said that nothing will change," Amy's voice trails off.

"Right. That's so Sheldon. At least we know he hasn't been taken over by a pod person or something."

Penny can see her joke has fallen flat but she's hoping that by keeping the mood light, Amy will eventually feel comfortable in telling her what's wrong.

"You can't have been expecting something romantic, right? I mean, you've known Sheldon long enough to know he doesn't really do 'feelings'."

"No, this isn't about romance per se, I know better. And honestly, Sheldon really does have feelings. He just has a difficult time admitting to himself that he does."

There's a pause while Amy is clearly continuing to gather her thoughts. "While I am very happy with my relationship with Sheldon, there is one small exception. One thing that I think I would need to have change before I could commit to a lifetime with him."

"Oh! My God, of course!" Penny can't believe her mind didn't go there first. It always goes there first. "But you'd be living together, and maybe your physical relationship will evolve from there?" Penny doesn't even believe that, but she can't help but try to give Amy some optimism. She suspects her tone of voice may be giving away her doubts.

"Really, Penny?" Amy sounds exasperated. "He went on and on for ages about how things between us are better than ever, and that we should grab on to that and eschew further change."

"Chew what?"

"Not 'chew', 'eschew'. He means that he wants things to stay exactly as they are."

They both sit in silence for a minute, and then Amy continues "I don't think I can say yes. I'm just not ready to accept that I'll have to live the rest of my life without ever experiencing…"

Penny can see that she can't bring herself to finish. "That's perfectly understandable, Sweetie. Your feelings and needs matter too."

She pulls her friend into an embrace, though she knows it isn't her arms that Amy needs.

* * *

V.

Sheldon is perplexed by Amy's lack of enthusiasm. Surely she should be excited to have the opportunity to be Mrs. Sheldon Cooper. He's a delight! Besides, marriage is the epitome of hippy-dippy girly things, or so he had always thought. He had expected an enthusiastic affirmative to his proposition. It had been so thoroughly thought out, and he had presented the facts to her so clearly, that it was practically a mathematical proof. What could possibly be the problem?

Pulling out his whiteboard, he decides to do a differential diagnosis of sorts to see if he can pin down what could be causing her hesitation.

Even starting the list is proving difficult. The source of the problem could be him or it could be her. Probably her, he thinks, but it's best to keep an open mind. He labels one side of the board 'Amy' and the other side 'Sheldon'. He'll start on her as the problem first, though.

'1) It's that time of the month' he writes, and nods to himself. In the face of overwhelming irrationality, hormones might well be to blame. He makes a mental note to check his calendar in a little while.

'2) Temporarily stunned at the brilliance of my suggestion.' This seemed like a darned good possibility as well. People often were rendered mute in his presence. He would drop little nuggets of breathtaking wisdom, and they would just stare at him with their mouths agape.

Numbers one and two didn't seem too bad, as she would surely come around after a short time if either were the source of the problem. After several minutes, another possibility comes to mind and Sheldon reluctantly lifts his marker up again.

'3) She's interested in another guy.' No way, he thinks, as soon as he's written it. There is no one better suited to her than him, and vice versa. Borrowing Penny's skimpy clothes was a peculiarity… but no, there is just no way. He wants to put a line right through the possibility, but decides to leave it for the moment, for the sake of completeness.

Thoroughly disgusted now, he decides he might as well move on to thinking of reasons he himself might be the source of her hesitation.

Ten minutes later, he is still standing and staring blankly at the board when Leonard walks in. Sheldon supposes that the source of the problem must not be he himself. It's not surprising, seeing as how he is flawless.

Leonard has stopped in his tracks and is staring at Sheldon's whiteboard. Perhaps his hobbit like friend can offer some wisdom. Probably not, but he's trying to keep an open mind.

"Leonard…" he starts.

"Oh no," Leonard interrupts, and waves in the direction of the whiteboard, "I want no part in discussing a list that starts like that."

"But Leonard, I don't know anyone who's had as many proposals turned down as you have. I need your expertise."

"You proposed to Amy? _And_ she turned you down!? What the hell Sheldon? What brought this about?"

"She didn't turn me down, she is just taking her time with the decision," Sheldon clarifies. "Her reaction wasn't quite what I had anticipated, though."

Sheldon proceeds to explain his ingenious marriage rationale. Leonard, however, does not seem to understand the brilliance of Sheldon's proposal methodology. In fact, the more he tries to expound about the logic he has presented to Amy, the more he sees Leonard's face scrunch up.

"You did _not_ really suggest marriage to her in that way, did you?"

Leonard is looking at him with the same look that everyone gives Penny when she tries to talk about science. He is starting to wonder if perhaps there is something that he has not fully taken into consideration.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Sheldon, I thought you were in love with Amy? You sound like what you're describing is a business transaction, not… not.. a union of souls."

" 'Union of souls,' Leonard? It's time to lay off the soy milk again. Of course I love Amy. And we both love pragmatism. I think of this as an advanced amalgamation of the relationship agreement. Besides, it's easier to explain this arrangement to the lesser beings that surround us," he sweeps his arm out to gesture, meaning to indicate pretty much the whole of humanity.

"She should turn you down," Leonard spits out in reply. "If she wants even the slightest bit of romance or sentiment in her life!"

Sheldon tilts his head to the side, considering. He feels taken aback at Leonard's rebuke. He hates to admit it, but Leonard does best him when it comes to this kind of emotional twaddle. While he would prefer to ignore such trivialities while evaluating an important decision like this, perhaps it would be best to consider the issue from all angles.

"Very well," he says and walks closer to his whiteboard. Under 'Sheldon' on the board he writes: '1) not a "romantic" enough proposal'.

"Anything else?" he asks quietly, feeling slightly humbled by Leonard's words. Emotions really are not Sheldon's bailiwick.

"Did you even have a ring when you proposed?"

Sheldon adds '2) didn't have a ring'. She had been rather fond of that tiara. He should not have forgotten the social convention of the giving of this piece of jewelry. As amorous nonsense went, rings were pretty harmless. Besides, it could serve to ward off anyone that might fall under Amy list item #3.

Leonard walks off towards his room, presumably gathering clothes before spending another night over at Penny's. While he's gone, Sheldon thinks over the options on the board. He checks his calendar for Amy #1, before crossing it off in surprise. That had seemed like a good one. There's no way to verify Amy #2, so he'll just have to wait it out. It is highly probable, though. He obliterates Amy #3 in a wild burst of scribbling from his blueberry scented marker. He refuses to consider it further and can't bear to see the idea sully his whiteboard for even one minute more. That only leaves the Sheldon based numbers, but he has already resigned himself to giving them a shot.

When Leonard emerges from his room a few minutes later, Sheldon feels compelled to give the little guy a hint.

"You should talk to Penny." The last thing Sheldon wants to do is be involve himself in their issues, but he wants to help his friend as his friend has tried to help him.

"About what?"

"She's having some… concerns… of her own in the realm of matrimony. Don't worry, though, I assure you it's wholly irrational."

He can tell that Leonard isn't terribly reassured, because he spins on his heel and looks to be marching off towards Penny's apartment. Perhaps Leonard is having a hard time puzzling out his relationship as well.

"Do you want to borrow the whiteboard?" he calls out after Leonard's retreating form.

* * *

Notes: Thanks to those of you who have read and reviewed/followed! I've already finished writing this story. I'm planning to post a chapter each day, which will give me a chance to obsessively double-check my editing. It was a lot of fun to write this, and it makes me happy that people are reading it.


	3. Chapter 3

VI.

As he approaches Penny's door, Leonard is trying to puzzle out what Sheldon could have been talking about. It was usually pretty difficult to unravel his lunatic roommate's ramblings, but in this case Sheldon had been reasonably straightforward. Something is bothering Penny and it is about getting married. It wouldn't be the first time that Penny had confided something in Sheldon that she really should be discussing with him. Running his hand through his hair, he decides he'll just have to dive into the sea of Penny's issues and see if he can swim.

She's on the couch painting her toenails when he comes in. The way she smiles at him when she sees him makes it hard for him to think that there's anything troubling her. She is a remarkable actress, though, he reminds himself, so it's best not to assume that everything is as it appears.

"How was work? Discover any new wonders of physics to rub in Sheldon's face?" she asks brightly.

He can see the moment when she really looks at him, and figures out that something is wrong. "Bad day?" she guesses, and twists the cap on the bottle of nail polish to close it. She sets it down on the table before turning her full attention to Leonard.

"I'm not sure yet," he tells her. "I was talking to Sheldon and I got the impression that there was something that you haven't been telling me."

She sighs, and he can see that she's disgusted with Sheldon for blabbing. "Sheldon and I were just discussing marriage, you know, and I thought it would be interesting to hear his take on the topic."

Leonard can tell that this isn't exactly how it went. "And what was your take on the subject?" he asks, cutting to the chase.

"Just that it's kind of scary. The permanent feeling of it, that it might be boring. I don't know…"

"Really? I'm a god-damned strawberry pop-tart Penny! I thought we established that!" he says indignantly, and crosses his arms defensively.

"You are, you are!" she reassures, "And I love you, I do. I really think we can be happy, and I want to try. That doesn't mean that I can't still feel worried, right?"

It takes a few moments, but he feels his anger deflating. "I suppose not," he admits. "I know thinking of my own parent's marriage doesn't exactly fill me with optimism."

"Just because I'm afraid doesn't mean that I don't want this," she tries to reassure him.

He thinks things over again for a minute before he continues, trying to address the heart of her concerns. "It is scary, you're right. But I don't think you should fear boredom. Even if our relationship remains constant, everything else in life will still be forever shifting. If you decide we feel too settled in one place, we can move. If you want time away from me, you've got great friends who would love to vacation with you. If our jobs drive us crazy, we are smart enough to work on something else. And if we feel particularly adventurous, we could even decide to have kids. I've heard that nothing wreaks havoc on one's life like having kids.

"Maybe Sheldon can delude himself into thinking that getting married will somehow freeze every aspect of his life, but you shouldn't be surprised to figure out that that's insane."

Getting up off the couch, Penny waddles over to him on her heels, trying to guard her freshly painted toes. Her eyes are wet, but she doesn't cry. In fact, she's smiling at him when she softly plants a kiss on his lips and grabs ahold of him tightly. She buries her face in his neck.

"If this is ever going to work for me, it will only be with you," she whispers in his ear.

He has to admit to himself that it's natural to feel nervous for such a tremendous commitment. 'Til death do us part is a long time. What he can't quite understand is why she would feel the need to bring up something like this with Sheldon, of all people. As if solid relationship advice could possibly spring forth from that whacko.

"When something is wrong, please tell me," he whispers back. He feels her nod into his neck and her arms squeeze more tightly around his middle.

* * *

VII.

"No, Mother."

"Yes, Mother."

"No, Mother."

"Fine, Mother."

Amy prefers to keep phone conversations with her mother as short as possible. No unnecessary extra information means that their awkward and stilted conversations can be stripped to the bare minimum. As always, her mother is harping on her about her life. She's only really half-listening, which is the best kind of listening when it comes to her mother. When her mother tires of ragging on her, or perhaps simply senses Amy's inattention, she shifts the topic. Amy is reminded that it's her cousin's 30th birthday party this evening, and her attendance is mandatory.

Amy doesn't bother to point out that she had no family party of her own on her 30th birthday. Not having to suffer through one was a gift in its own right, she supposes.

"Feel free to bring Sheldon," her mother says. Amy can hear in her voice the ever-present skepticism that she was actually dating someone. Her mother had not believed that Skype conversation, at least not for very long.

"Sheldon won't be attending," she replies curtly.

In fact, she is not even going to tell Sheldon about this particular party. Her cousin is a complete prima donna and has insisted on a formal gala. Absurd for a birthday, but that's Irene for you. The worst part about any formal Fowler family function, is that her mother will insist on trussing her up in fancy clothes and parading her about to any eligible bachelor she can scrounge up. While many attendees will be family members, there will surely be enough friends and acquaintances present for her mother to try to pair her off.

"I see dear." Her mother's voice is dripping with smug condescension. How does she manage that in only three words?

"I can see you've left a dress here for me, and yes, I'll suffer the indignity of wearing it. Hair and makeup I can handle myself. Have a lovely evening, Mother," she spits out rapidly, before pushing the button to end the dreadful call.

Dealing with her mother is kind of a waking nightmare, but at least she had provided Amy with some much needed distraction. Now that the call is over, though, she feels the loneliness of her apartment begin to close in on her. She sends a quick email to Penny. She'd told her mother that she could take care of her own hair and makeup. That's a lie. She hopes her good friend will be available to save her from that aspect of her upcoming disastrous evening.

She has been ignoring Sheldon's calls and texts since date night on Thursday. It is only two days later, but she feels like she has been trying to puzzle out the conundrum for ages. Talking with Penny helped, in a way. It was nice that her friend understood. Of course, if anyone was going to understand the importance of coitus in a relationship, it would be Penny. She has no idea how to broach the subject with Sheldon, and thinks that until she sorts out her own thoughts on the matter, she can't even begin to have the conversation that they need to have.

The truth is she has no idea how Sheldon feels about the subject of physical intimacy. Initially reluctant to any and all forms of physical contact, they were now comfortable with holding hands, hugging, and kissing. Casual touches were the norm at this point. All of these are things that he would previously have insisted were off-limits.

But what if Sheldon held to his 'nothing needs to ever change again' mantra? How could she possibly agree to that? She considers sex to be a fundamental part of the experience of being human. Would it be fair to him, agreeing to marry him while holding out hope for something that he may well never want to do? Would it be fair to her? What if she turns him down and he decides that he does not want to continue their relationship?

Holding her head in her hands, Amy can feel the thoughts swirling wildly through her head. Trying to shift her thoughts to something else, her brain cruelly decides to remind her about the party coming up this evening. Ugh. Not wanting to think about that either, she decides that she needs a distraction. There's at least an hour or so that she can procrastinate her party preparation. She grabs her MacBook and opens Google Chrome. It's fanfic time, she thinks.

* * *

VIII.

When Leonard and Penny barge through the door, Sheldon is relieved to see that they are holding hands. He's happy that they must've worked out some of Penny's insecurities, but he desperately hopes that they don't want to talk to him about any of it. If he's really lucky, then they also cleaned up Penny's train wreck of an apartment. Just knowing that that disarray is right across the hall makes him feel twitchy.

"Hey Sheldon, got any exciting plans for the evening?"

Penny's greeting strikes him as odd. Surely she knows that Saturday night is laundry night. It's a well known fact. Sacrosanct. Besides, he's presorting his laundry as they speak. He's not sure how she could possibly be so unobservant, and subtly shakes his head in disgust.

"It's laundry night, Penny, as you both well know."

"Of course," she smirks.

She flops herself into the armchair before she continues, "Have you heard from Amy? Last I heard, you were expecting her to come around from - what was it again Leonard? Oh, right, from 'being stunned by the brilliance of your suggestion.'"

"That's a well known phenomenon," Sheldon replies, but he's beginning to suspect she might be mocking him. He turns his attention back to pre-sorting his laundry.

"Have you thought any more about what we talked about?" Leonard asks him, taking a more polite approach.

"If you're talking about 'romance,' no. I'm not even sure what that would entail, but I plan to consult Google later this evening. The ring, however, is taken care of."

"Really? How did you manage to take care of that so fast?" Leonard's eyebrows raise in surprise.

Sheldon's meemaw had given him her wedding ring the Christmas before last, when he had been home for his nephew's birth. Confused about why she would do so at the time, he couldn't bring himself to refuse to take it. Presuming to never need such a thing, he'd stashed it away and promptly forgotten all about the matter. When Leonard had brought up the question of a ring yesterday, he had felt a little disappointed in his magnificent brain for not thinking of it himself.

"It's handled," he says, not wanting to get into a sappy discussion of family tradition.

There's an awkward pause after he has tried to shutdown the conversation. He's not surprised when Penny decides to needle him further.

"So, I've heard that our Amy has some big plans of her own this evening. Did she not mention them to you?"

This brings Sheldon's laundry sorting to a stop. He focuses his attention on the blonde interloper and hopes that he didn't cross off Amy list item #3 with undue haste yesterday. When Penny explains that it's a family birthday party, he feels relieved. He's thankful that Amy didn't try to finagle him into going. Nothing so mundane should interfere with laundry night, after all.

"This party isn't just for family members, of course. There will be many friends and acquaintances as well. It's to be quite the fancy affair, from what I've been told."

He has no idea why Penny is going on and on about this.

"Oh, by the way, you do know that her mother tries to fix her up with other guys whenever she gets the chance, right?"

Sheldon most certainly did not know this. He feels his nostrils flare and takes a few steadying breaths to calm a Hulk-like flash of anger. He throws the last few t-shirts into the appropriate baskets with much more force than is necessary. Without a further word to Penny and Leonard, he turns and stalks off to his room in search of his tuxedo. So much for the peaceful glory that is laundry night.

* * *

Notes: Comments and criticisms are always welcome. Thanks again for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

IX.

It's almost 6 pm on a Saturday, and normally Penny would be pouring her first glass of wine for the evening. No reason to mess with tradition, she supposes, and rummages in Amy's fridge for a fresh bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Her friend could use a drink before dealing with this family party brouhaha anyway. Hell, if Sheldon shows up maybe Amy could use a couple of drinks, she snorts to herself.

Penny hopes that Amy won't be too mad when she figures out that she told Sheldon about the party. Perhaps she ought not to have meddled, but she knows how badly Sheldon and Amy need to talk, and this party will give them a good opportunity. When it comes to these two, she just can't resist a little interference sometimes. Surely, Amy knows that by now, and besides, it's not like she spilled the beans about the whole proposal/coitus/Sheldon's-being-a-clueless-dolt nonsense. Keeping two secrets would have been simply too much. One was bound to leak out, and she supposes telling about the party was the lesser of two meddling evils.

Before she had come over, Penny had told Sheldon to show up at 6:30. He was already dressed up and ready to defend his territory when she left. As clueless as he could be, she was almost positive that he would not chicken out. However, the lure of the laundry room was strong…

"Oh my God, Amy, you look awesome!" she squeaks, when her friend emerges from the bedroom.

Penny likes to tease Amy about her fashion choices, but she has been well aware for some time now that her friend can look just as attractive as she chooses to. There had been only one occasion when Amy had let Penny and Bernadette dress her up for girls' night. Penny remembers how stunned she had been that her dowdy friend was such a pretty woman. Her friend had arms! And legs! And a body shape! Amy had gotten lots of attention from the opposite sex that evening, although they would promptly scatter off after chatting with her. What Penny remembered the most from that evening, though, was how insanely uncomfortable Amy had appeared to feel the entire time. The woman was simply much more content sans makeup, with normal straight hair and buried in layers of cardigans. Wanting Amy to be happy, they had never tried to do the makeover thing again. Amy's style is her style, and while Penny still can't resist getting in the occasional dig, she wouldn't want her friend to be any other way than she is.

Tonight, Amy is looking like a movie star about to go to an awards show. She's wearing a fitted red strapless gown that stops just above the knee. It is weird to see so much of her on display, and Penny can tell that Amy feels the same way. She is rubbing her hands along her exposed arms and looks like a turtle that wants to climb back into its shell.

Penny had helped Amy fix her hair before she got dressed. It is swept up off her neck and held into place with a few sparkly clips. She looks glamorous and even the tiara would not look out of place, in Penny's opinion. It is clear, though, that Amy isn't interested in glamour.

"Thanks again for helping me with this Penny. I really did not want to have to deal with having my mother come over to 'help' get me ready," Amy says as she makes her way unsteadily across the room to seat herself at the dining room table. Although she's much improved, it's clear that the woman is still not used to getting around in high heels.

"I don't mind at all, Sweetie. I know that this is not your favorite kind of thing to do. Here, have some wine and then we can set you up with some makeup," Penny says, and gestures to an impressive array of cosmetics spread out on Amy's table.

"Do we really need all of this?" Amy asks, looking wide-eyed at the colorful spread of tubes and brushes.

"Oh, this is nothing, Amy! You should see the guys convention dress-up makeup. Now that stuff is impressive. Ha! Maybe we should've had Sheldon do your makeup!" she giggles and is relieved to see that Amy snickers as well.

After a few sips of wine for them both, Penny gets started with Amy's makeup. It doesn't take all that long to apply, and when she is finished, she steps back and hands Amy a mirror. Her near-sighted friend has to hold the mirror close to her face to be able to see.

"My mother will be thrilled," Amy says softly, "I look nothing whatsoever like myself."

Penny isn't sure what to say to that. Amy's relationship with her mother is not a minefield that she feels comfortable stepping into. She knows that Amy has dressed herself like this at the behest of her mother. There is absolutely no way that Amy would have chosen this otherwise. Penny wishes she would tell the woman to back off, but she knows it isn't that simple with mothers and daughters.

"You look great," she assures her friend, "and you always do. Let me go grab your contacts' case for you. You should rest your feet while you still can. It's going to be a long night in those heels."

Penny is only gone briefly to deposit Amy's glasses in her bathroom. She returns and sets Amy's contacts on the table.

"You're going to do fine, Ames, and when in doubt, just have some more wine," she says and winks at Amy before finishing the dregs in her own glass.

Penny gathers up her supplies and her purse. As she is about to leave she can't help but ask, "Maybe you should have invited Sheldon. I'm sure you guys have some sort of provision in that weird agreement of yours to attend these kinds of horror shows, right?"

"I could have, I suppose, but I'm still not sure what to say to Sheldon. Besides, what would he make of all this? I think he'd be seriously weirded out," Amy says, gesturing to her made-up self.

"You never know," replies Penny, as she opens up the door to let herself out. She can see Sheldon's lanky form just a few steps down the hallway, no doubt waiting for his watch to indicate precisely 6:30. "He might surprise you yet."

* * *

X.

It's only 6:29 when Sheldon feels two brisk slaps on his back. He spins around to come face to face with Penny. She looks pleased to see him. At the same time, though, her voice is stern when she says, "Sheldon, try - try _very_ hard - not to be an ass. Amy is already dreading this evening. Be a life vest and not an anchor, you know?"

He shrugs off the hand on his shoulder in annoyance. No, he does not know. He is certain that he's always a perfect gentleman. While he'd love to set Penny straight, it's 6:30 and he has someplace to be. Instead, he just shoots her a look of irritation and walks down the hall to Amy's door.

Penny has left Amy's door open, and he can see Amy sitting at her dining room table. She does not have her glasses on, and is squinting at a glass of wine in her hands. He is glad that she has not seen him yet, because he feels himself struck mute at the sight of her. If he hadn't checked the number on the door, he might have suspected that he had the wrong apartment.

Her face looks so different. With her hair swept up, her glasses missing, and her features highlighted by cosmetics, she looks more like a model than she does like his Amy. She is seated, so Sheldon can not see all of her. What he can see, however, is her arms, her shoulders, her neck and even her upper chest. It's more Amy skin than he has seen since he hero-peeked when she was ill. He gulps passed the dry feeling in his throat. Not wanting to keep staring at her like a creepy voyeur, he knocks softly on the door in three sets of three.

She glances up at the door, still squinting, but doesn't say anything. Her glance towards him is brief and her eyes dart quickly back towards the table. She seems to fold in on herself then, first crossing her arms and then hunching her shoulders. He wonders if she is just cold or if something else is making her uncomfortable.

As beautiful as she looks tonight, he can't help but miss his everyday Amy. When she had been dressed up for Prom, she had still looked much like herself. This is something altogether different. He walks over to her, still unsure of what to say, and brushes a loose tendril of hair back behind her ear. With her glasses off, he knows that she can't see him clearly, and he grabs hold of the opportunity to admire her face up close, knowing he won't be caught gawking.

He can see her eyes gathering moisture. Her lip turns in, and she bites it briefly before swallowing awkwardly. Suddenly, it occurs to him that she hates this entire scenario. She is immensely uncomfortable being made-up in this way. Penny had alluded to as much in the hallway. Sheldon understands because he feels much the same way, like a fish out of water. His tuxedo is well-fitted, but he still feels constricted, and he longs for his khakis and t-shirts.

Deciding to take a chance, he brushes a kiss to the top of her head gently before he goes to her room to gather supplies. He selects a plain dark cardigan and her orthopedic shoes from her closet before getting a towel and wet washcloth from the bathroom.

When he returns, he sets down his bundle and turns his attention back to his girlfriend. He hopes desperately that she will not take this the wrong way. Taking a deep breath and licking his lips, he reaches for the wet wash cloth. He traces her eyebrows with his free hand and gently runs his fingers down her cheek before he begins. Hesitantly, he raises the washcloth and starts to carefully uncover his Amy. A few dark streaks run down her face and neck, so he reaches for the towel and gently pats her dry.

She has goosebumps now, and he hopes she isn't getting cold. Reaching for the cardigan, he helps her slide it up her right arm and then she turns to work her other arm into the sleeve. He smiles at her then, even though he knows her myopia probably prevents her from seeing.

He can't resist palming her neck briefly when he reaches to remove the clips from her hair. He only needs to release a few clasps and her hair tumbles back into place below her shoulders.

Nearly done now, he kneels down at her feet. The pointy heels slip off her feet easily enough, but he doesn't let that stop him from taking a moment to feel the soft skin and firm muscles of her calves. He feels her leg twitch slightly and hopes that he hasn't accidentally tickled her. The shoes she typically wears are probably not appropriate with this dress, but Sheldon doesn't care. Those spiky things can not be comfortable.

Remembering one last thing, he dashes back to the bathroom to snag her glasses from the countertop. He returns and crouches down to begin the awkward process of trying to slide them into the right place over her ears and nose. Finally, her eyes are able to focus on his face.

"There. Perfect," he says at last. He has said the words softly, but it sounds loud in her otherwise silent apartment.

It still looks like she might cry, and he fears he may have misread the situation. Suddenly, though, she smiles and hops to her feet. She embraces him, then, her arms squeezing his middle tightly. "I feel much better like this. Thank you Sheldon," she whispers into his neck. Sheldon feels relief flood his body. She is happy. He makes a mental note to pontificate later about the confusing irrationality of happy tears - as if parsing emotions isn't difficult enough already. It's probably not a good idea to mention it now, though.

After a short while, she releases him and takes a few steps back. Her head cocks to the side.

"You don't look quite like yourself either," she says, looking over his fancy suit and bowtie.

He smiles brightly at that and unbuttons a few buttons in the center of his shirt. From the gap in the fabric, the bright red 'S' of the superman logo appears, floating on its bright background of blue.

* * *

Notes: This scene had been stuck in my head for ages. I really wanted to try to write a scene that would illustrate Sheldon's attraction for Amy in the same innocent way that we see happen on the show. At the same time, I wanted to highlight one of my favorite themes of the Shamy relationship: acceptance. Like Sheldon, I hope it comes off in the way that I intended.


	5. Chapter 5

XI.

Amy looks down at the antique platinum ring and sighs before placing it reverently on her bedside table. For a man who claims to hate surprises, Sheldon sure is full of them sometimes. Life with Sheldon is never boring, and tonight has been no exception.

For the most part, her family members and acquaintances had been so stunned to see her arrive linked arm-in-arm with Sheldon that they had not even tried to approach her. For the brave few who tried, Sheldon had contrived a plan to alienate them. He called it "Operation Oration". It was based on his theory that whenever he attempted to speak to people about his work in physics, their eyes would glaze over and they would soon leave him alone. He told her that he had discovered the phenomenon quite some time ago, and that he enjoyed using it to keep those of lesser intellect at bay.

Thus, they had gotten to spend the evening largely on their own, dancing and playing counterfactuals. Only the occasional speech about physics was needed to disperse a stray intruder or two, including her mother. Her mother hadn't had a chance to do much more than look at Amy and Sheldon's appearances with disdain. Apparently, Sheldon's tuxedo with Superman t-shirt did not pass muster. Her formal dress with cardigan and orthopedic shoes was not well received either. Oh well. Amy could certainly survive a few dirty looks from her mother. They had exchanged brief greetings, but then a quick foray into string theory had her beating a hasty retreat.

They had avoided the topic of Sheldon's proposal, and Amy had been grateful for the reprieve.

It was only once they had returned to her apartment, that he had taken her hand and gently closed her fingers around the ring. He apologized for his oversight in not providing it previously. He'd kissed her goodnight then, and told her he loved her as he closed the door to her apartment.

Thinking back on it now, Amy is sure that it was the most romantic evening of her life. He really is the best boyfriend, and she suspects that he would be the best husband as well. He is her best friend. Her companion. There is no one better suited for her on this planet.

Although others might not see it, Amy knows that Sheldon really is romantic at times, in his own odd way. It's always accidental, but that doesn't bother Amy. The surprising, unintentional nature of those moments only makes them sweeter. Her thoughts drift to their blanket fort, Counterfactuals, Fun with Flags, the Relationship Agreement, and many other fantastic memories. The most romantic thing of all, though, is the way he includes her in so many parts of his life, even when he finds the changes unsettling. She - the girl who was so often excluded from things growing up - has never felt so accepted by anyone in her life. She wouldn't give up Sheldon's style of romance for anything.

As much as she desires to experience physical intimacy, she is willing to forgo it if that's what it takes to continue to be with him. A sexless relationship with Sheldon is still better than any other relationship she can possibly imagine with someone else. She admits to herself that she will never be able to stop hoping, but resolves that when she sees Sheldon for lunch on Monday, she will say yes to his proposal.

* * *

XII.

The wonderful smell of Thai food greets Raj as he opens the door to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. His friends have all gathered for Sunday dinner, and he's grateful for the company, since Emily is at work. The only other one missing this evening is Amy, and Raj finds her absence peculiar. It starts to make sense, though, after Bernadette, Howard and he have been informed of the surprising events of the past week.

"I can't believe you really proposed to her!" he gushes to Sheldon. "It's the most romantic robot love story since WALL-E and EVE."

Penny has been vigorously stabbing at her Thai food and shoveling it in with glee. Suddenly, she stops.

"Wait. Does that make us the fat people in floaty chairs?" she asks and scrunches her face. She must decide that it does, because she sets her food down and sits back in her chair.

"Oh no, Raj," corrects Leonard, "This proposal is anything but romantic, I assure you." He proceeds to explain Sheldon's marriage logic.

"Dude, marriage is not just a legal contract or convenient living situation, with love as some afterthought!" Raj chastises when Leonard has finished the story. "Where's the romance?"

"Where's the sex?" Howard interjects. "Hey! If marriage leads to less sex, but they're not having sex even before marriage, will that result in negative sex? I wonder how that works..."

"Howie!" Bernadette slaps his arm, "I told you that when you make fun of Sheldon like that you're getting Amy too, and she doesn't deserve that."

"Yes, but I thought we agreed that when Amy is not present I can still rattle his cage. Wave the red flag at the bull. See if I can get the android to blow a fuse…"

"Oh, right," she squeaks, and then turns to Sheldon. With a more ferocious tone she asks, "So yeah, Sheldon, are you really going to leave my poor friend strapped in that chastity belt forever?"

Sheldon looks stricken. His fork is frozen in place, hovering over his barely touched dinner. He looks briefly from face to face, and then carefully sets his meal on the coffee table. He folds his arms, looking perplexed.

"What are you all talking about? Why would we not have sex?"

That casts a spell of silence over the room. Raj can't believe those words have come out of Sheldon's mouth. No one looks as surprised as Penny does, though. Her mouth is agape and her eyes have bugged out. She starts beating on Leonard's arm. Raj is happy to be across the room on the floor, out of the range of Penny's shocked barrage.

Next to her, he sees that poor, bruised Leonard does not appear to be surprised at all. Penny notices too. "This isn't news to you?" she asks incredulously.

"What? I have a room right next to this guy and he talks in his sleep. For the last year, it has been more than clear that… well… he doesn't see theirs as just a 'relationship of the mind' at this point."

"And you didn't tell me!? Why not?" Penny is obviously peeved.

"It's none of our business," Leonard grimaces, "and besides, it kind of creeps me out..."

Sheldon's cheeks are flamingly red now, and Leonard looks to be feeling guilty for the divulgence. "Sorry Sheldon," he says. Turning to Penny he continues, "It's also been clear that he hasn't been ready to admit it. So let's just all lay off him."

"Everyone except for Amy right? It sounds like she _should_ lay on him…" Howard is smiling with devilish glee.

Raj snorts at that.

"Have you informed Amy of your… evolved mindset?" Bernadette chirps out a more tactful query.

"I proposed marriage," he replies haughtily. "It's not like she wouldn't know that such a thing is the social convention that accompanies that arrangement."

Everyone just stares at him for that. There's absolutely no way that Amy would think this, in Raj's opinion. If she did, she'd have dragged him to a courthouse and then back to her apartment already.

Penny is reaching for her iPhone, presumably to text Amy, but Leonard swipes it from her grip and pockets it before shooting her a look that tells her to butt out.

"You aren't a typical guy, and that was not a typical proposal," Leonard begins to explain delicately. "Are you absolutely sure that this is clear to her?"

Sheldon is silent from that point onward, which Raj finds really disconcerting. He thinks that Sheldon being quiet for that long might even be more unsettling than the idea of him having sex.

* * *

Notes: Oh Sheldon, you know what they say about people who assume?

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to share some thoughts on the story. Awkward Sheldon hugs to you all :)


	6. Chapter 6

XIII.

Mondays rock, in Bert's opinion. He smiles to himself. Geology puns are the best of all puns! As much as he enjoys going out on the weekend to see rocks in their natural environment, he is always pleased to return to the lab.

It's close to lunch time, and he decides to stop by his second favorite lab, the one that contains Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. Perhaps he can brighten her day with the fire agate sample that he polished up for her.

"Oh, hi Bert," she says when he knocks on her door and walks in. She doesn't look all that thrilled to see him, but no one else ever seems to either. It's not a problem, though, because he has prepared for precisely this scenario. Some geology humor will no doubt win her over.

"Isn't it great how your lab is only a stone's throw away from ours?" he asks.

Nothing. Maybe she didn't get it. He just blinks at her a few times and shuffles his feet. Rather than embarrass her, he stays quiet. No reason to let things get awkward, after all.

She clears her throat, "Um, yeah, sure… great."

"So, want to hear a joke?" he asks. Maybe if he points out to her that a joke is coming, it will help. She doesn't really answer, but she doesn't say no either. She just looks at him with her head tilted to the side, her mouth in a firm, straight line. Bert decides that's close enough.

"Why did the geologist go to the doctor?"

Her only audible response is a sigh.

"Because he had lost his apatite," Bert feeds her the punchline, but she still keeps standing there looking at him, stone-faced. Hehe, he thinks, that's another good one.

"Come on, you shouldn't take a joke that good for granite." Still nothing.

"I thought you might like it if I were a bit boulder…" he looks at her expectantly.

Finally, she gives him a pitying look and responds, "Geologists make bad jokes, but we all have our faults."

* * *

XIV.

It isn't often that Sheldon can admit to himself that he has made a mistake. He is not a fan of having emotion interfere with the important decisions in his life. In this case, however, his attempts to remove sentiment from his thinking process may have caused a serious omission from his marriage proposal plan.

Things with Amy never turn out quite the way he expects, and though he hates surprises, he has come to love this. Every time his relationship with Amy has changed it makes him uncomfortable, but he always finds that things turn out to be even better than they had been before. The idea gives him courage, now, as he prepares to tackle the subject that has always left him so discomfited.

He ponders these things while walking down the hall towards Amy's lab. They often meet for lunch on Monday, and this time he has brought a lunch for her that he prepared himself. He's made her a sandwich. A simple meal, but he has prepared it on his homemade sourdough bread. It can't hurt to show off his domestic talents, he supposes.

It probably isn't appropriate to bring up the whole physical intimacy thing with her at work. Perhaps he'll have the chance to procrastinate this topic. He doesn't really want to procrastinate, though. Sheldon is quite sure of what he wants at this point, and he knows with whom he wants it.

As he approaches her door, he spots her conversing with a giant of a man. He recognizes the guy - Bert - from the geology department. The lumbering man is trying to hand Amy a polished gemstone rock.

"Oh, I'm sorry Bert, but I just don't feel comfortable accepting this. It's very kind of you, but I'm engaged, and this kind of thing is really not appropriate for me to accept."

Bert looks disbelieving and mumbles, "That's what they all say."

"Look, it's true," Amy replies, and holds out her hand. She shows him that she already has a sparkly gemstone at hand.

"Huh. I've never had anyone go so far as to buy themselves a ring to avoid me," he pouts. Amy rolls her eyes at him, and Sheldon sees Bert give up and turn to leave.

"Oh hi," he addresses Sheldon. "Forget this one, she's spoken for. Or so she says." He gestures with his thumb in Amy's direction.

Briefly, Sheldon considers punching the rude man right in the nose. He suspects he would just break his hand, though, and the large man would probably not even notice.

Still feeling somewhat bold, he announces, "She is."

Bert looks Sheldon up and down, but then just shrugs at this and walks away.

Sheldon takes a few steps towards Amy and notices her pink cheeks and downcast eyes. He realizes that she is embarrassed.

"Let me just get my jacket."

"Oh, it's ok, I brought you a lunch so that we can eat here."

He proffers the simple brown bag, and she takes it from his hands and sets it on her tidy desk. Precise as she always is, she carefully lays out her napkin and the rest of the contents of the bag. He can't help but notice his grandmother's ring, looking graceful but practical on Amy's finger. Stretching his arm across the table, he taps his index finger on her ring.

"So... I take it this is a yes?" he gulps, feeling surprise at his good fortune.

She nods and smiles shyly at him before proceeding to take a bite of her lunch. He can tell when she registers that it's his sourdough bread, because she smiles more broadly and says, "Thank you, Sheldon."

"I thought, if you were doubting me, that I could wow you with my skills in the kitchen."

Suddenly feeling the opportunity fall upon him, he decides to go for it. "But it occurs to me, that maybe… you might have doubts about my skills in other arenas."

When he sees her entire body freeze, her mouth in mid-chew, he knows that she has understood his meaning. He clears his throat and swallows nervously, overwhelmed with the realization that his friends were correct. He feels a little like he might faint, but he's already jumped in the pool, so there's nothing left to do but try and swim.

"I know I left some issues out of my discussion on the benefits of marriage…" He has to stop again for a moment while he figures out just what to say to her. Her silence is both making things easier and making them more difficult at the same time. She just looks at him with rapt attention.

"I intend for this to be a marriage in every way," he stumbles over the words and hopes she doesn't notice his discomfiture. His sweating hands and pink cheeks surely give him away. At least he is sitting, though.

"What I mean is that consummation is a traditional necessity of marriage, and in fact, an unconsummated marriage could be considered null and void," he babbles.

He sees her previously pink face turn white and her eyes widen at his words. Finally, she speaks, "So you mean this as some one-time event that you intend to comply with out of social convention? Or to validate a contract?"

Sheldon is instantly horrified that she might misunderstand.

"What? No! I mean, I guess it could be a one-time thing if you were unhappy with me," he replies sadly and looks away. "But I was thinking of maybe a more regular thing…"

"If _I'm_ unhappy with _you_?" she replies haltingly. She swallows and then continues very softly, "Sheldon…of course I want that with you. I think you know that..."

He gives her a gentle nod, and can't control a gulp of his own. Sheldon hopes that engaging in the actual acts of physical intimacy won't be anywhere near as painfully awkward as trying to talk about the subject. He's not too worried, though. If it's like every other aspect of their life together, he is certain that they will excel at it in short order.

The color has returned to her face in full force, but she seems to be feeling too nervous to look at him. It takes her a minute to gather herself, but he feels gratified when he sees the expression on her face grow happier as the seconds tick by. They continue to eat their sandwiches in silence for a while, when suddenly she stands, apparently forgetting about her unfinished lunch.

"How late do you think the courthouse is open?" she asks, taking Sheldon's hand and starting to lead him out of the room. He feels startled by the sudden motion, but he knows he will follow her anywhere. "And this evening - your place or mine?"

* * *

Author Ramblings: Yup, that's the end. I'm sure you can all envision what comes next. Hehe. Looks like Raj was right last chapter about how Amy would react.

So what do you think? Did this take on a Shamy proposal work for you? Were you all able to emerge unscathed from that rockslide of geology puns? Amy's pun wins, imo.

Confession: I don't really know anything about writing. I haven't written any fiction since high school, and that was half a lifetime ago (please don't do the math). I would love to hear any and all comments that you might have on my writing or the story.

**EDIT: I changed my mind. Chapter 7 will be forthcoming tomorrow.**


	7. Chapter 7

XV.

Mondays suck, thinks Mike, as he puts the finishing touches on today's paperwork. Pretty much no one comes in to get married on a Monday, so the County Clerk's office is all but empty. He prefers Fridays, which have the greatest number of freaks coming in. It's probably wrong of him, but he feels tremendous glee watching people as they embark on what may well be the greatest mistake of their lives.

He's so focused on the boring monotony of scanning, filing, and updating the records, that he finds himself startled when he hears a throat clear. When he looks up, he knows he has hit the weirdo jackpot.

"We're here to fill out a marriage license," they say in unison. Two bright, beaming smiles greet him, the most peculiar looking pair that has come in here in quite some time. Their hands are linked together, and they're looking at each other with such enamored sweetness that he thinks he might come down with a case of diabetes.

"Fill out these forms," he says gruffly, and slaps down a clipboard. His tone doesn't seem to dampen their enthusiasm.

The tall, lanky fellow, who seems to think it's a good idea to dress in a childish Flash t-shirt, says something to him about whether he should have brought his notary stamp.

"Um, no, sir. You can't notarize your own documents. It doesn't work that way."

He sees the short, bespectacled woman smirk in response to that. Mike has no idea why the woman would think it's a good idea to wear a cardigan in this balmy Southern California weather. It makes him feel sweaty just looking at her.

"We can take care of your ceremony here, as well as your marriage license," he offers, and hopes against hope that they will agree. They seem like a potential train wreck of a whole different sort than he is used to.

"Do you offer a non-religious, non-sappy option for the ceremonial chitchat?" the tall fellow asks, while his small companion just rolls her eyes.

She then pulls aside her husband-to-be, and Mike tries to look like he's not eavesdropping. He can't quite make out their conversation, but it looks like they are engaging in some kind of negotiation. He hears the word 'proposal' and then later 'counterproposal'. It's an odd little display for an odd little couple. Eventually, he sees the man nod and look to the ground. He suspects the woman may have won this round.

It's like they're already married, Mike thinks. Hell, maybe they will work out after all.

* * *

XVI.

"Sheldon, that's a more complicated docking procedure than the protocols for the International Space Station. I think, perhaps, you might be overthinking things," Amy says, and waves her hands in the direction of the whiteboard.

He has laid out an absurdly detailed 'Coitus Plan' for this evening's activities. She remembers him once telling her that he 'was working on it' in regards to physical intimacy. Apparently, this is the result. It is something that Amy finds both arousing and batshit crazy. This is not an unusual combination of feelings when it comes to her Sheldon. He seems to have a much easier time discussing the subject, now that he has had a chance to lay it all out scientifically. She's grateful for this, but the fact that it is extremely unusual to document things in this manner seems to elude him.

"Is such a thing even possible?"

"There does come a time when it's a good idea to let instinct take over. Your hindbrain does not need to be considered your enemy in this instance."

He looks at her with continued skepticism and glances briefly back towards his whiteboard. She is certain that he is thinking about how it has never led him astray.

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Absolutely. I'm a neurobiologist, and no one knows the brain better than I do."

She gently takes his right hand and removes the marker from his loosening grip. It takes an extra few seconds to put the cap back on, but she knows that if she leaves it uncapped it will drive him crazy. After setting it down on the whiteboard tray, her hands are free to take both of his. She tugs firmly on his hands, and he catches on, leaning down so that she can reach his lips with her own. As he so often does, he then moves his hands down to grip her hips.

One big advantage to his weird little outline, is that it has given her an idea of just what aspects of things he is comfortable with at this point. It makes it much easier to boldly stick her tongue in his mouth.

This startles him, and she feels his hands leave her body and flail about behind her for a minute. She bets he looks a bit like a fish out of water, flapping around like that. The thought makes her want to laugh, but she doesn't dare.

He hasn't stopped kissing her, though, and has, in fact, joined in with his own tongue. Gaining in confidence, his hands return to her body, this time much more boldly, grabbing a handful of her generous posterior.

Hoo, that's nice, she thinks, but hopes that she didn't actually make that sound. Deciding it's best to continue helping him move things along, she takes his hand again and moves it to her breast. He freezes, briefly, before he begins moving his hand. It's a little too grabby, like he's kneading bread dough or something. She appreciates his enthusiasm, but guides his hand into a motion that more closely resembles a caress. Then she adjusts his aim to hit a more sensitive target. That's much better.

Before long, they are forced to break their kiss and breathe for a while. His forehead rests on hers for a bit, and she gets a chance to look directly into his bright blue eyes. She is pleased to see that his eyes have glazed over, and his breathing has become a ragged mess that matches her own.

They begin their next kiss, and it doesn't take long before she can no longer think at all.

* * *

XVII.

The apartment is dark and quiet when Leonard stops by on Tuesday morning. It's early, and he needs to get some clean clothes for work. He's found that it isn't the greatest idea to keep too many clean clothes over at Penny's. Her laundry system is… a work in progress, and it's safer to keep his own things quarantined from hers for the time being.

He shuffles quietly towards his room, knowing that he does not want to wake Sheldon at this time. It's only 15 minutes before his roommate's standard wake up time, but the guy is a huge baby about his ridiculously rigid schedule.

Halfway across the living room, he whacks his shoulder on the edge of Sheldon's large whiteboard. Ow. That's weird, he thinks, while rubbing his shoulder, Sheldon always meticulously puts this away. Even more peculiar is what he begins to read scrawled upon its moonlit surface. He thinks it must be some kind of mistake until he spots a hodgepodge of discarded clothing near Sheldon's spot on the couch. A striped cardigan and floral shirt are jumbled up with a bright red shirt, emblazoned with a yellow lightning bolt. With a mix of both horror and fascination, he slowly walks backward towards the front door, before turning and heading briskly back towards Penny's apartment.

He is surprised to find Penny awake in her living room, sporting a spectacular case of bedhead.

Her voice is still slurred with sleep when she says, "Hey Leonard, what are you doing out so early?"

"Umm… I just went over to pick out some clothes for the day."

"You should keep some clothes here at this point. Don't you think it's time?"

Leonard is thrilled that Penny has finally been the one to initiate a step forward. He wants to enjoy the moment, but he is still intensely creeped out by the visuals generated in his mind by the hasty scribbles across the hall.

"Umm, yeah, I think you're right. I think it's definitely time," he replies, and glances back towards the door. "Especially now."

"What's going on?" Penny is still groggy, but he can see that she has come awake enough to sense gossip afoot. She glances down to his empty hands. "Where are the clothes you went to get?"

When he doesn't answer right away, her eyes narrow in suspicion. He squirms for a few seconds, but finds himself unable to think of a believable lie. Reluctantly, he fills her in about what he saw written on Sheldon's board.

"No way!" she exclaims, with widened eyes and mouth. "I'm going over there."

He tries to catch her arm on the way by, but she is practically sprinting across the hallway. She's gotten halfway across the living room of his apartment before he's finally able to successfully grab her sleeve.

"Penny!" he whispers, "You know you can't un-see this kind of thing…"

He is particularly nervous about them possibly walking in on bullet point #14.

"Come on, Penny, you don't want to see this…"

"You don't, I do," she whispers back confidently, "but it's fine, I'll knock." She jerks her sleeve free from his grasp and marches the last few steps over to Sheldon's door.

He goes to stop her anyway, because this intrusion is just too much, but he sees that Sheldon's door is already open of its own accord.

He wants to look away, but it's like passing a car accident on the freeway, he knows he can't help but to take a peek.

To his great relief, it is not bullet point #14. In fact, it looks just like Sheldon's room always looks. He sees his roommate asleep flat on his back, tucked in his narrow bed, looking uncomfortably ramrod straight in his vampire pose. He even hears the same soft breathing that his roommate always does when he sleeps.

When he looks over at Penny, though, he sees a charmed look on her face, as if she has just seen a new litter of puppies. Leonard decides to chance a closer look, and this time he notices that just below Sheldon's chin is Amy's tousled head, peeking just out of the blanket, her body tucked in tightly atop Sheldon's chest.

* * *

Notes: Better ending? Encouragement from you guys helped birth this chapter, so I hope that you enjoyed it.


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